| Reality is Real |
[30 Aug 2004|09:39pm] |
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There is one thing in life you cant change and that is "change" itself. You cant stop it or change overnight. I feel like change has taken over my life and I am standing at a dock waiting for a ship thats never coming. Friends have changed and I feel like everyone that I think I am close to I am really not. I try to go back to when I was happy but all I get are glimpses that shift over to my present state and I grow angry and depressed. I have lost my BF and being judged by my past that I am trying to forget. I wish I can tell my friends this and so they can see that I have changed, and changed for the better. To many days have I been in my room thinking about what other people are thinking. My confidence and self-esteem have been shot and I am now unhappy in this world. You ever wish you can get a new start? In my life I have had 1 first impression with my group of friends and my reputation has followed me through out those years. I wish I could go back and change ever wrong I have ever done, and change my habits and personality. I hope all my friends read this because it will show you that you can teach a dog new tricks. I love all you guys.
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| WOEST NIGHT EVER |
[25 Jul 2004|11:04pm] |
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Well last night was by far the worst night ever. First of all I was at work an hour after we closed doing nothing but cleaning and listening to my gay boss. After that went home and ate Shibuya which was probably the best thing I did last night. Went to Maxi's after and waited for Baron and Brian to finish smoking before coming back to Max's. Maxi and I rolled out to El Co shopping center and met up with Baron and rolled out to the party. Some random car cut in front of me on Valley Circle screaming my name( no idea who it was.) Well turned onto Bell Canyon road and Baron made a u-turn which made the car infront of me brake which made me brake. All of a sudden I look in my back mirror and see this Jeep not slowing down and accelerating and rear ended me going around 50-55. Pulled over looked at my car and it was fucked up. Randomly there was a cop 2 cars behind us and pulled over to see if we were all ok. Then the kid that hit me tried to book it and I took off after him until he pulled over. Well lots of other shit went on, after that I had to call AAA to get a tow truck cause I couldnt drive my car. Well that took and hour and a half and I was sitting on thr side of the road waiting for the damn tow truck to come on Bell Canyon Road. Well I got home and went to bed, it was the worst night ever.
P.S. My cars head lights exploded, my exhaust bent, my trunk was dented in like a foot and a half, its fucked up dont know when I will be getting it back so for the next couple of weeks I am goin to be mooching rides.
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| Dont Be Hatin'!!!! |
[20 Apr 2004|02:19pm] |
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Hey guys been a while once again, but I do have alot to say. Well the Music Man went real well and the cast party was a blast. Ya alot of the seniors told me no alcohol and I do respect that. So around 2:30 I went into my garage and hey they were drinking. Well after that it became both fun and a blur(hehe). Woke up the next morning and hung out with Samson\ J-Sizzle. Lip Sync audition went real well, we got in and everyone should come and see it. O I went to Magic Mountain and I have never been on an up-side down roller coaster before. So I was standing in line with Jane for X and I wasnt gonna go on it, but when we got to the front of the line I kinda just sat down on the ride. So anyways the ride was crazy, and after that every ride was fun. Barroll and Garrett are way chill now! They are repremanding in the classroom, but awesome away from it. Spring break was pretty cool, the best thing by far was six flags tho. I went to my G-Ma's work with max and alex that was cool. Hung out with all the friends had some good times some good laughs you know. Well now I am back at school and today is 4/20!!! O ya you all know wat that means. No, I dont to that shit people, im a good kid(cough). alright guys gotta hit the road come see Lip Sync see my girls shake there booties!!! WOOP WOOP
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| Wassup...... |
[28 Mar 2004|01:13am] |
Hey guys wats up, ya its real late and I think I got work tomorrow morning, SHIT! Well lets see last couple of weeks have been pretty chill. The musical is this upcoming week and everyone should come and see it! I am Constable Locke the sherrif. It's not a real big role at all, but I got lines and thats really all that matters. Um lets see.... I am doin better in school. I got this whole bitch convo from my parents and I kinda figured that it's easier to study and not get bitched at, then not and get bitched at. Life has been pretty chill the last couple of days. Alright I am gonna go im goin to maxies.
PEACE
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| Remember Me? |
[01 Mar 2004|02:24pm] |
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Hello everyone. I once again seeked to find time to update my LJ. Alot of shit has gone on and I haven't had alot of time to update. But now I am in 6th period and its raining once again. So anyways MMN went ok, the first night I thought went horrible. And then Friday the show went awesome! I was so excited that it went well cause Marla (my IBD doctor) came to the show, and I love her! I got into the chorus for the musical and to tell you the truth I was not very happy. Being my first year I have been Williams and The Raven. I have never really got the rejection part of the theatre department. Well now I have and to tell you the truth I was so upset, but Chris Lee said something that I will never forget. He told me his sophmore year he got into the chorus and felt the same way as I do, he didnt really care about the show, and didnt have any motivation. Well thats kinda the same way as I feel. But then Chris said something to me that really stuck on me, "You have to taste the bitter, to taste the sweet." Thanx Chris I just want you to know that you helped me alot. Well this last weekend was PTC, and boy was it exciting. I got to know alot of the members of the cast and it was just an amazing experience. I fell asleep cuddling with Delia, shes so cute! Ya so thats was fun 2! hehe Well Chase left, and it kinda sux cause I was just getitng to know him and he was such a cool guy I cant believe he is gone. Well thats really it for now take care ya'll
2Pac" Reality is wrong, dreams are for real."
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| BRAIN STORM |
[28 Jan 2004|02:35pm] |
Hello everyone, let me just start out and say the last entry of mine was at a spur of a moment. I do not condone what some of my friends did, but all in all there still good guys. Well I am sick again, I have the stomach flu, threw up monday morning before I was going to drive to school. Today is my first day back and I am quite exhausted. I got asked to Vice yesterday as I am sure 100 of you already know. I am going with Katie Horwitch, and to tell you the truth I couldnt be any happier. I am gonna have so much fun with Katie, Katie my love bring your dancing shoes cause we gonna party! Well besides from being sick, life is pretty good, I had Music Man auditions yesterday and I thought they went pretty well. I am excited and kinda upset for the musical. Dont get me wrong I love acting, acting is now apart of my life and there is no way that I am gonna stop. But the thing is I have a job and alot of other responsibilities that I have to do. I want to do the musical so bad, but I also dont want to get fired from my job. Ya I know what eveyrone says "just talk to your boss Jason I am sure he will uinderstand." The thing is I work at a Sporting Goods store so they are still stuck in the "actors are losers" kinda point of view. I mean there are a few people at work who encourage me and motivate me, but my boss kinda has the attitude you work for me you dedicate your life to me kinda thing. I love working at Chicks and I love the people I work with but my boss is kinda "dickish" sometimes. I dont know I hope everything will work out evenly hopefully. The other thing I have been thinkning about the musical are the directors. I love Mr. Garrett and I have 100% faith in him but I really dont think Mr. Barrol and I are gonna get along. Maybe its because I dont know the man very well yet, but just seeing the 30 min I have spent with him, he doesnt look very friendly. I hope I can change my mind bout this cause I thought the same way about Mr. Garrett so hopefully this will be he same situation. Well anyways I am sitting in th period with nothing to do and I just had a converation with Mrs. Weissman about wedding cake, FUNNAY! Well thats its for now Jesus I have been rambling on forever with this entry haha well Hallie I have to go drop the cosby's off at the pool so I will see all my friends after school. Love all you guyz!
JASON!
KATIE AND I WE GONNA BE THE BELL OF THE BALL
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| Every get a flash of reality? |
[25 Jan 2004|12:05am] |
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Hey guys, this isnt gonna be the usual entry for me. Have you ever woke up and you feel so sick of the norm? Tonite I was with friends of mine, who I have know for like 7-8 years.My so called friends thought that I did something that I didnt and proceeded to go through my belongings without my permisiion. Isn' the rule or deal of friendship to trust your friend no matter what. I feel so ashamed when I am around my chappie buddies or the hebrew school buddies. I cant believe that a friend a person I call a pal questioned me bout how much money I took out of the bank! ITS NOT YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! I am so sick of all my friend bull-shit, I am depressed or annoyed when I am around them, and then theres my theatre buddies who I can be with\ 24\7. Dont get me wrong ALex and Max are my BF but I am so sick of the same old, same old. I feel angry right now, because I went for Brian at that party and it turned out to be a big MESS. How dare they go through my stuff without asking me? I wasnt hiding anything but still my supposed "loyal friend: is shit timing me! I am so sick of all my friends and the way things go down these days, I am ashamed of myself for looking at myself in the mirror everyday and saying to yourself " today will be better than yesterday." But I wake up day and nothing changes. I love the way the theatre people. And I do love all my other friends but it's shit like this that makes me think who are my true loyal friends? I mean AHHH here we go, every since I have kinda "found myself" I am realzing so many different things. I am beggining to see who the true and user people are. And quite frankly it's going really hard. I am starting to see the friends that I think are my friends arent. It's so hard and upsetting to see friends turn away and change happening, and I am so pissed and upset that I couldnt have seen this sooner. I am really ashamed that I have devoted and how many things I have sacrificed for the so called "friends" Well thats the thought of the night. Ill ttyl Theatre people you all are amazinging people. And all my true friends love ya guys.
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[21 Jan 2004|07:48pm] |
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I havent updated in the longest time! Funny I always say that when I start out my LJ but it's true. Well MMN was awesome I was the murderer the 2nd night and there were a shit load of people there! CRAZY. Then that night I went to Nicolles and that was alot of fun I slept with Lori(NO SICKO NOT THAT)Well I woke up at 5 and couldnt go back to sleep and I went to bed at like 3 to start with. So I woke up with Lori and we left cause she had work and I had work but nopt until 3. Then the rest of the weekend I spent most of my time studying for finals which are this week and they are going ok. Spanish fucking sucked I am sorry but no kid should have to go through that, that is what I like to call torture. Lets see this weekend should be fun, my friend is having a party so I am gonna go there. Then on Saturday im goin down to my brothers frat ATO and I cant wait. So ya thats whats been goin on not alot I dont think I am doing the musical I have to much to do and I have to give up something and I thinks its the musical. Im sorry everyone I will miss you guys so damn much but I just cant do it. LOVE U ALL
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| Here it Goes |
[05 Jan 2004|02:06pm] |
Well I havent updated in like a long ass time so lets just get some things out of the way. I dont miss her as much as I thought I would, but the truth is I have zero feelings for her, or so I think. The thing is I have made myself sick and way to upset bout this whole situation. Well enough is enough I have chosen to try to forget bout it again, so Ill keep all of you updated on that. Well winter break is over and its back to school. Winter break was fun I went to NY and it was a blast! I saw 2 shows Hairspray and Avenue Q, they were fucking amazing! I did alot of shopping and stuff in NY, but didnt buy anything cause everything is so damn expensive even with the after christmas sales! I went to Danielles for New Years and it was alot of fun to. After 12 me, sasha, hallie and cameron some how ostricized ourselves from the group. I went to my car to get my PJ's and my parents called me, and when I turned around the 3 of them were right there, I was like WOOOwWW!!! So anyways it was freezing outside and all of us were frozen but to stubbourn to go back inside. So we eventually started to play with a lemon, I know WTF! After we all decided to go into the house we went into the kitchen just to have a private convo. Well there was blah blah blah and then I left, to come into the room were everyone else was to see them watching Cruel Intentions, yummmm. We got into bed around 2 and for some reason I was so awake. I started talking and Hallie was right next to me. I started to get close to her, but some sort or energy was holding me back. I wanted to hook-up with her but I know that would make me as low as another person I know. I couldnt do that. I have talked, and talked to her bout this and for some reason in a recent convo I felt like she was judging me. I felt that she was comparing me to her old BF and that I was gonna use her just like he did. So thats wat I got out of the convo, and thats whats been going on the last couple of days. So now I am back at school and yayyy Monday is over I am sitting in 6th period and I wanted to update so bad, well thats whats been going on for the last couple of weeks, so ya
JASON
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| So |
[18 Dec 2003|08:48pm] |
So I havent updtaed in a while cause I have been really busy between rehersal's and school and work. Well tonite I went to the wrestling match it was really cool. First match was Cameron in the 110 or 115 I dont know. But anyways he won and it was cool to see him win. Next was Brandon and I started to get nervous but at the end he kicked ass. Umm all the other peole lost, before Skyler came up. HOLY SHIT PEOPLE! Skyler is a fucking crazy monster, I have never seen a kid who looked like he was gonna kill someone, Sky you were a first. Then came Durant who wrestled this fat fucker. Mark won and after he was happy and in pain. Ok that was my night, well life has been good. She is gone! She is in SOuth Africa and will be gone for 3 weeks so that will give me some time to think what I wanna say to her. Him and I are starting to get back on track which is cool, cause thats what I wanted. Tomorrow is the last day before winter break, and I cannot wait for winter break. So ya thats whats been goin on not much but I am glad its not alot, Im finally HAPPY thank the LORD.
ALRIGHT SEE YA
LOVE YOU GUYZ
JASON#3
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| No Idea |
[10 Dec 2003|08:59pm] |
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So I had no idea wat to title this entry so I am just gonna label it this. So I have been doing more thinking and the only reason I went to school was to talk to her, and she wasnt even at school today, so yayyy that mafe me thrilled! I saw him and I said Hi I mean I shouldnt be mean to the kid, I mean I am trying to get things back the way they used to be so I have to start somewhere. So I am still sick and MMN night rehersals are going really well. Why does life need to change, why cant everything stay the same way someone wants it to. I know your suppose to grow from change, but what I have to say is FUCK THAT! I want everything back to normal, I wanna FART! HAHA I KNOW ITS A BIG WISH! But No I mean I want me, the girl and the boy to be as close as we were before the incident. I was talkin to 2 of my friends and I told them that I might hate them. But the truth is I dont hate them I cant trust them, I am really finding it hard to trust them again and I'm finding it hard to get close to them again. So anyways I dont think this is ever gonna stop seriuosly I think that I am just gonna have to learn to live with this or not even deal with it at all, lets hope I can Deal with it!
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| Hey Guyz |
[09 Dec 2003|07:55pm] |
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Well I havent updated in a long time, but I hade no time so sorry. Well I am sick, and you all know when your sick everything feels like 10 times worse then it really does. I am talking to the girl and the boy but it still feels very awkward to be around them, but I am trying to suck it up and make things the way they used to be so ya. I am so glad that Lori feels better cause latley her and I are totally one person, when she feels better I feel better, so it helped the both of us out! I love that girl. Well I made Murder Mystery Night I am The Raven so for all you cool people come see me in the show! OK I dont want to sound all woe on Jason here but I am still really pissed. Not so pissed were I am angry but to the point were I am pissed everything is different. I feel like something is missing like there is a conversation that needs to be finished or something I need to say that hasn't come out yet? I mean I am happier than I was 2 weeks ago, JESUS 2 weeks ago I was a fucking mess ( those of you who saw, ya...." The thing is I really feel like they got away with murder without the murder, if that made any sense! Well maybe I am just being stupid cause I am sick but I have to lay down I have a headache, POST PEOPLE!
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| So Anyways....... |
[04 Dec 2003|01:41pm] |
So I am sitting in 6th period Aid for the College and Career Center and I am once again thinkning. Something rather shocking and upsetting happened. Well in my last entry I told you that I talked to the girl and that we both spilled our emotions out and that was all the time we really had. Well now that all our feelings are out she thinks it fine, and I am so confussed to think why she would think that everything is ok now, ITS NOT! I am really thinking bout total diferent stuff and I dont know what my problem is, am I over reacting now? I dont think I am cause this fucking sux. I have learned alot of stuff the last couple of days. I am still so angry and hurt still and I cant seem to drop this but its just a pain in the ass right now! Everytime I look at them I feel this sorta shifting thing goin on in my stomach and I either get sad or really ANGRY. School is goin ok I am tryin to get my grades up cause of course I have been fucking around the last couple of weeks and it shows in my work, so I have to fix that. Improv night is tomorrow and I am excited for that and I have plans with a friend who him and I havent gotten together in like 2 months probably. I miss the way things used to be, I wish I could just wake up and everything be back the way they were, change sux. Now I know I am sounding like a weiner but this is how I feel. I am so tired of learning new facts bout the same situation and getting hurt or pissed off at a new person every day. I keep on thinking of the conversation him and I had, it was a good and emotional talk for the both of us (I am not gonna tell you what we talked bout I have learned on some things to keep my mouth shut!) I guess I am still depressed bout the past cause I know now that things wont ever be the same, I am not goin to be able to trust him or her 100% And I know that they are probably think different of me I dont know I am just rambling cause Im spilling out my guts. Well the girl I told you bout who spilled the beans, ya she talked to me yesterday. When I talked to the girl and the guy I got this chill down my spine and felt like crying, for this girl I didnt feel anything. I was so upset with this girl and I have no respect for her anymore, she is so not worth my time. I was talking to Lori at lunch and I felt like a knife went through my heart, cause I couldnt stand to see her upset. I wish I could of taken her pain and given it to me cause, Hey whats one more thing to add to the pile. O I made call backs for MMN and I so hope I get in its gonna be so much fun. Well I dont know what else to say right now I will post again if I have any other thought which I sure I will have.
JASON
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| WOW OK.......... |
[02 Dec 2003|03:06pm] |
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OK school was ok till the end of 1st period. One of my friends told me that a girl told everyone a very secret converation I had between Lori and Hillary. Wow just what I needed huh? MORE DRAMA! Well anyways 2nd period Blunt was horrible cause after I was told I was in such a bad mood and I couldnt focus and I was way to upset. Well 3rd period rolled around and I went up to "the girl that I am having problems with" and asked if we could talK . Well I went up to her and I asked if we could talk and she said yes. So we went into the costume room and I basically spilled my guts. And I learned alot of knew stuff bout her and all I wanted to do was to jump in her arms and cry, but I couldn't. I feel a little better but I am so upset bout the girl who spilled the beans on the confidential conversation I had with Lori and Hillary. I am so angry and so upset with her and I am trying to be as mature as can be, but all I want to do is like shoot her or something. Why everyday its something knew. maybe I should just not go to school for the rest of the week cause I really dont want to find out anything knew! THERES SO MUCH DRAMA IN DRAMA! Ahh so anyways I have been doin more thinking (wow I wish I could do this much thinking in school!) What I have been thinking about is IM GAY! HAHA, but I think she is still a good person. I told her that I still loved her and I thought that she was beautiful, and talented and she said something back that Im not gonna say(EWWW NOT THAT PERVERT!) So anyways the conversation was going well till Mr. Garrett walked in all pissed off saying that we just missed all the directions for the game that we were goin to play that day, and I really didnt want to leave this was the first time I have talked to her in 2 weeks! So we had to leave the room and I was so upset cause we hadnt finished our conversation and it took so much courage to do this and I had to stop! I DONT THINK SO! So we started a game and I was put in there group and I really wasnt ready for that but I went what the hell and did it. So our group went up and something rather shocking happened she hugged me! I had no idea what to do, it felt so good, and so wrong at the same time. Well that was all the interacting we did all day kinda spaced myself from her for the rest of the day. Well I kinda felt sick but also it was from a bad day I called home and came home cause I just wanted to leave and come home. Well here I am at home and thinking once again and looking at the Heaven Can Wait collage(SP?) and I cant stop thinking, Well thats enough for right now but ill do more tonite. BYE
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